It may sound simplistic to say that friendship is the basis for happiness in marriage as I suggest in a previous article. At the time many of us married we had stars in our eyes and we were so happy. We certainly expected our future would hold endless excitement, romance, and our very own specialness in this new and wonderful relationship. Sadly it may be these very expectations that eventually breed those gnawing dis-satisfactions and frustrations we often experience after the wedding. Where, we may wonder as years go by, is the happiness we expected? Where, is the pizzazz? What happened to all our dreams?
Both the romance and our expectations for happiness in our marriages are modern day inventions. For centuries marriage was a means to join fortunes, to breed heirs, to acquire property, and to gain titles. Women were rarely in charge of their own lives but rather a pawn of fathers, families or the state. Whether a woman was attractive or not didn't matter. What kind of dowery she brought to the union did. Even today in some countries and some religions, marriages are still being arranged. Occasionally it still occurs in the United States which often makes headlines and which some people find hard to believe. Perhaps this brief history of marriage can bring a more realistic perspective of the relationship and thus the development of more reasonable expectations for your merger or for re-evaluating a current relationship.
Most couples in the western world toady have the freedom to marry for love.
We have the right and the privilege to seek a romantic relationship. But in turning our back on the old ways and embracing the new we have failed to form guidelines. Frequently the premise that opposites attract is all too true. It may be great for genetics, but not for companionship as the years go by. If our expectations are unrealistic, if neither likes the same things, and if that hot thrill of romance grows cold, how can couples live happily ever after. Nor does it help when a lovesick dolt of a song writer tells us that we never have to say we're sorry. We certainly do if we don't want to be considered unfeeling! Unless the relationship has been so fractured that nothing can mend it, you and your spouse can take the opportunity now to work toward becoming friends and to find happiness. Or if you are considering a committed relationship again, you can keep your expectations and the possibilities of a comfortable and enjoyable relationship in mind. What do you both enjoy doing together? Where do you want your relationship to go from here? Developing any relationship takes patience and persistence, but the reward are endless.
A good, lasting relationship takes time and great care! Suggestions for increasing your togetherness will be in another blog.
Now I would like to include a couple of references for those interested in learning more about MSG. "In Bad Taste: The MSG Symptom complex"by Dr. Sehwartz and Dr. Russell Blaylock's book, "Excitotoxins: The Taste That Kills." The more I learn about MSG, the more complicated it becomes. Other than organic fruits and vegetables, I have found that other countries seem to offer MSG free food. For instant, from India comes "Tasty Bites" with lentils and another with eggplant which is all natural, vegetarian, no MSG, no preservatives, and no additives that I can discern! For cookies there's Walker's shortbread from Scotland. Again no additives. Yum.
I am finding to my distress that since I inadvertently 'overdosed' on MSG I seem to be more sensitive to other additives. I am not a doctor, nutritionist, etc., but I am a skilled researcher. I'll pass on my findings in future blogs. Would like to hear your encounters with this 'excitotoxin' and also any recipes you might suggest for MSG free living.
And last but now least, think of my book "50 Ways to Find Romance after 50" as a great gift for someone you love who is looking for love. You can order it on my website, romanceafter50.com.
Until later, ciao.
