The Secret to Happiness in a Loving Relationship

What's the secret to happiness in marriage and/or in a long term commitment?

Whether you have been married for what literally may be for most of your life or if you have recently found a new life partner, everyone wants a happy relationship. Is it possible? Can even a long-term, tired marriage be revived? Yes and yes! First of all time is in your favor. People over 50 are generally happier than those under 50. Married people tend to be happier than those who are single. Through many, many interviews spanning 40 years with hundreds of couples, I have indeed found the secret for happiness in marriage and the steps to find and develop that happiness. It takes time and effort for both partners, but with a sense of humor and persistence, happiness can be yours and of course your partner's...... your other half, your soul mate...... your friend!

In the 1970s I began publishing a magazine which explored the changing relationships between men and women at the time women had begun to expand their lives outside the home and to emerge as a force in the working world. During this time, I and another writer Ruthe Miller began researching happiness in marriage with numerous personal interviews of couples plus over 400 people filled out an extensive scientifically designed questionnaire to find predictors of marital happiness. This was the beginning of my lifelong exploration of the changing relationships between men and women.

Desire for a successful, happy marriage changed as the last century progressed. In the 1980s women and men who had been widowed or divorced were most anxious to find another partner. By the 1990s, both started becoming more cautious and less driven in their search to become a couple. The view of 'old maids' changed and became obsolete. Single women were no longer considered losers. Still men tended to marry sooner after a death or divorce than women, sometimes with disastrous results.

Regardless, in the new 21st century both men and women continue their search for that perfect partner hoping that they could find happiness but not sure how to meet that new love. Ways in which they met and what drew them together prompted me to write my book: 50 Ways to Find Romance after 50, Love and Lust in Later Life.

Included in the book is more about the secret to happiness, how to flirt again, and financial considerations to be discussed.

There is no doubt that the most important factor in the secret of happiness in marriage is to find that special person who can become your best friend. Over and over, throughout the years, this was the most frequent reason given by couples for being happy with their partners.

Sounds simple but it's not. To begin with men and women think of friendship differently. Men seem to have buddies and rarely discuss their feelings. Women talk and frequently discuss almost everything. Following is a good example of how men and women differently interpret what their spouse is saying. If a woman complains of a problem to her husband, he feels honor bound to fix it. But that is rarely what a woman wants. "Once I convinced my husband that I just needed to vent and that I didn't need a solution as men think they must find and that their egos demand, our marriage became almost perfect," related one wise woman.

I've heard this same complaint from a hostess on TV, a well-known radio personality, and couples whom I've interviewed. Obviously, one of the most important aspects of being a friend is to listen to the other and to be aware of his or her wishes.

You need to take time to be friends. Develop trust and respect for each other. Perhaps you could designate a specific time to bring each other up to date. Some couples enjoy relaxing over cocktails. (Do not turn on TV!) Or have a date night and find comfortable surroundings in which to discuss new ideas and mutual goals. If you trade confidences, never betray those to any others. As a writer I have been told many secrets which I have kept secret. I have a reputation for trust and so all of those I interview talk freely to me.

If you would like to learn more about romance after 50, along with financial guidelines, and how to meet a new romance, you can now order my book directly from my website: romanceafter50.com or just click on the link on the right hand side of this page. For a limited time there is a special half price sale and you can pay directly through Pay Pal.

More on happiness in a romantic relationship in my next blog. If you have any questions, I'd very much like to hear from you.