Thursday, December 2, 2010
Putting Romance Back Into Relationship
It's difficult to put romance back if you never see each other. No matter how busy you both are, you need to set a designated time to spend together every day. It could be over coffee (or tea) at breakfast time, a short 'check in' with each other in the afternoon or a 'date' with each other in the evening, possibly for dinner, maybe just a romantic few minutes before bed time with a relaxing drink and a chat about the day. Then what about adding a delightful date once a week doing something you both like! cocktails and dinner? A weekend of hiking and bird watching! A fun trip to the zoo with the little ones if you just can't get away alone! Then during their nap time, a little cuddle or two! Whatever tickles your fancy.
Don't know what that may be? Then each make a list of activities you would like to share with your friend - your spouse. Start with no expectations, just plan to have a pleasant experience with each other. When you compare your lists, consider each suggestion with an open mind. Do not pounce on what you may consider a dumb idea or criticize what you may think is a silly or stupid notion. do not criticize. This is your friend after all. Remember how you treat a friend. You share good experiences. You give compliments to each other. You are supportive of new ideas and open to the discussion of new directions. You have fun together. You like each other. You may not agree with everything your friend says or thinks, but that's O.K. You don't have to! In fact, do you really want a clone of yourself or would you prefer someone with whom you can talk about a variety of subjects? And you certainly do not tell your friend what to do. This is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
Many of the couples whom I interviewed for my book, "50 Ways to Find Romance after 50," met doing things which they both enjoyed. One couple discovered each other on a theatre trip and after they married continued to attend the theatre regularly. Another couple found each other singing in the church choir; two musicians shared their love in the community orchestra. Volunteering at a nature center was the means for two singles to help others and to find romance. One widow was determined to meet a new man on a cruise and after several, she succeeded. A new pet can bring a smile and a shared delight to some and perhaps a new hobby if both agree. Whatever love that friends share can become a love that brings happiness into their lives.
A couple in my book met while she was out walking her dogs. Several others renewed old romances from high school and found that their roots ran deep. Whether you have been married for a few months or many years, something drew you together. You may not be as different now as you think. Find that root. Find that attraction which first beckoned to you. Look at this endeavor as an adventure and suddenly you may find that there's a new sparkle in your eye and a bounce in your step and that your love is happier as well.
If you have questions or an experience to share with others, you can leave a comment on this blog. For those who would like a cop of my book, I am offering a half price special which you can find on my website: www.romanceafter50.com.
Note: I'm still learning about MSG and all the effects. It's much more complicated than I thought at first. More later.